How did you learn to pleasure yourself?
What do you feel about it?
What do you think about?
If you’re like many people, you learned when you were very young, very secretively and slyly to hide from your parents, and haven’t really changed the way you touch yourself for a long time. And as we grow up, self-pleasure continues to be shrouded with a veil of secrecy. We have become very repetitive and predictable in our routine. Most of us do it secretly in the shower, or a few free moments in the bedroom or on the couch if nobody’s home, or even in the bathroom. It’s usually one, two, three, done, then on with our busy day. Masturbation has become tarnished into that simple routine we know all so well…
But it can be so much more!
Masturbation is our gateway into the heightened level of arousal known as “erotic trance”. Everyone has the capability of inducing erotic trance states, however not many people ever get to that level of ecstasy. Erotic trance is the state where you are so aware of your erotic energy that everything else fades away. The noisy mind is quiet and your only focus is on what you're feeling. We are completely one with your powerful sexual energy, riding the waves of orgasms, one after another; feeling as blissful as a child on a roller coaster.
Unfortunately in today’s society though, the most common and safest form of sex still remains shrouded by taboo, ignorance, guilt, and shame. And these feelings completely interfere with our ability and capacity to receive pleasure. Often self-pleasure becomes a way of coping with uncontrolled emotions – including boredom, frustration, and stress.
Many of us also continue to feel guilt, shame, or at least embarrassment about masturbating. Therefore self-pleasure is kept hidden and practiced furtively. Some of us don’t masturbate at all as a result! Consequently, self-pleasure is prevented from becoming a deeply rewarding and nourishing practice in our life.
But when we masturbating mindfully,when we let go of the feelings of guilt and shame and realize that self-pleasure does not have to be hidden from the world, then we become fully present. We feel relieved and happy to masturbate. We become excited about it. After we let go of the baggage, our mind can’t help but savor every sensation, and slip into an erotic trance.
Masturbation teaches us, transforms us, and heals us.
Hands down, there is no better way to learn about our body than self-pleasure. We cannot become intimate with others if we can’t be intimate with ourselves.
The great holy man and Swami, Baba Muktananda said, “If you do not like to spend time with yourself, then do not inflict your presence upon others.”
You get the idea.
This brings me to what I do. Besides being a Tantric Practitioner and an Energy Healer, I am also a Masturbation Coach for women.
What is a Masturbation Coach?
Masturbation coaching is intended to help us recognize and address blocks that prevent us from reaching new heights of ecstasy from self-pleasuring. Masturbation coaching transforms your self-pleasure from a sly, habitual act into a fulfilling personal practice that can deepen your connection with yourself, your spirit, and your partner.
Masturbation coaching isn’t just about the physical act of self-pleasure. Of course we will talk about technique, but we’ll also integrate this with other important aspects of your life too. For example, a key component to mind-blowing self-pleasure is being fully present to what’s going on, also called being mindful. Being mindful is a meditation technique that teaches us to watch our minds and not get wrapped up in the passing thoughts. We let them pass and still stay focused. This is a wonderful practice to master, mind control. Our mind can be our worst enemy or our best friend. I think we all prefer the latter.
Regarding self-pleasuring, a practice in being mindful allows us to wake up our entire body to its full erotic potential. Mindfulness helps us restore the natural connection between our genitals and our heart. It helps engage the entire body – not just the clitoris.
The word self-pleasure almost always brings up jokes or nervous laughter. Just about all of us do it, but no one talks or listens seriously about it.
It’s time to change that!
Why a Masturbation Coach?
As your coach I listen to you and help you get clarity on what you want from your self-pleasure ritual. I am also witnessing you in a vulnerable state which can be very healing. Just being able to talk openly and honestly about this sensitive topic can be a transformational experience for many women. Sessions with me are completely safe, open, respectful,and confidential. I may challenge you and push you toward your goals. But most of all I am your supporter and your biggest fan! How many of us have someone in this capacity that we can have this kind of relationship with when it comes to erotic pleasure?
And of course, as your coach and guide, I am always in a professional role.
I begin each coaching relationship by talking with you to get to know your wants, your values, and what would be your definition of a fulfilling self-pleasuring experience. You may be:
- Looking for ways to enhance your pleasure and learn more about your body
- Looking to seek a positive body image
- Confronting shame and/or guilt
- Integrating spirituality into your erotic pleasure
- Learning to have bigger, stronger orgasms
- Experiencing full body and multiple orgasms
- Wanting to learn how to squirt (yes it is possible, if you’d like to work on it, just let me know)
- Masturbating for the first time
- Or something else~
Prior to our session, we will chat on the phone to discuss your desires and I’d be happy to answer any questions you may have. Sessions are always done in a safe, comfortable, respectful environment.
After we introduce ourselves and chat, our session will begin with discussion about mindful self-pleasure.
Some general topics that we’ll cover include:
- Warming up the body and listening to where your body energy is, rather than where your head thinks your body should be. Listening is an important skill; just like a great orchestra musician must listen to other musicians around them while simultaneously playing; we must listen to our body as we play with our body.
- You will learn techniques and practices to help and encourage you to enter into a mindful state. Breathing exercises and bio energetic movement would be included. Sessions will also include some massage to help you feel relaxed, comfortable, and focused.
- We’ll cover full body touching with intention. As said earlier, many of us masturbate the same way as we did when we were teenagers. Our bodies evolve and the type of touch we love evolves too. Conscious touch can turn your entire body into one big erogenous zone!
- We’ll learn to SLOW DOWN our self-pleasure experience and savor each touch. We make each touch a complete sexual act instead of focusing on the orgasm. Subtle and intense pleasures can arise when the mind is clear, there’s nowhere to go, and you are simply in the presence of yourself. Over time, we will come to find that our pleasure doesn’t just reside in our genitals. In fact, it is possible to orgasm without any genital contact whatsoever.
- Sound is also an overlooked tool that can be utilized to expand our pleasure. In an effort to secretly masturbate, we’ve been conditioned to keep quiet – we don’t want to get caught. But sound has the tremendous power of opening up the energetic channels within the body. It is also rooted in our primal instincts. I will teach you techniques using sounds and you will focus on how it affects your feelings and sensations.
- You will utilize the new skills and techniques that we have discussed and practiced and apply everything to a self-pleasure session. You will learn how to enter erotic trance. Feel free to use toys or things you have. The same old toy might not feel the same after we have slowed down and become more mindful.
Some sessions will be easy for you; others may be a challenge. I will usually give you some homework play and follow up in a week, expecting some feedback (As a coach, I’m not that easy). These assignments can provide you with powerful insight and awareness and add more depth to your Coaching Session experience.
Celebrate self-pleasure and do it with abandon! All the pleasure of the entire world is within you! As a coach, I am committed to helping you get there. I am also your biggest fan!
Joseph Kramer, Ph.D., a nationally-renowned sex educator, teacher, and director of Erospirit Research Institute says, “One-third of the men and women who see psychotherapists just need to learn to masturbate better.”